There once was this man. He was just your normal man. Well, not really, he was less than a normal man. He was short. He had almost no hair left on his head, despite the fact that he was only 27. And had no muscles. Now this would have been okay if he wanted to be a... I don't know... let's say an online stock trader where no one had to see him. But this was not the case for two main reasons. First of all this story is set in the 1200's so I don't think stocks were even invented yet. The second reason is because he wanted to be a lumberjack.
To be a lumberjack was every boy's dream. You got to swing a big axe. You had big muscles and of course all the girls loved you. I mean what more could you want? But like I said earlier this man, let's call him Rick, was not fit to be a lumberjack. He had no axe, no muscles, and well... no girls. He did however have a small hatchet.
Every day he would take his small hatchet down to the riverside where all the other real lumberjacks would be cutting down trees. They would all make fun of Rick because of how puny he was. They would all sing the chant "Ricky can't even chop a sticky." Over and over they would chant this. Rick normally just ignored them as he would swing he hatchet pretending to be a real lumberjack . Until one day. This day was a particularly hot day. One of the lumberjacks came over to Rick and told him that if he could cut down the old tree by the lake then the other lumberjacks would stop making fun of him. Rick was thrilled at this proposal even though he knew that it would be impossible. He went over to the old tree and started chopping away at it.
At this point Rick had been chopping all day and had not even made a dent. With each swing his scrawny arms grew weaker and he could hardly hold onto his hatchet. Then it happened. His hatchet slipped out of his sweaty hands and flew into the lake. His one chance at becoming a real lumberjack was lost forever.
Rick sat by the edge of the lake sobbing. The other lumberjacks gathered around Rick and told him that because he had failed he was never allowed to come back. Just as Rick was standing up to leave Mercury popped his head out of the water. All the men froze, as they had never see a god before. "You," he said looking at Rick, "does this belong to you?" Mercury asked as he pulled out the most glorious axe any of the men had ever seen. "If it does then I shall return it to you." "No," Rick replied sadly. " Mine was the hatchet that could not even make a dent in the old tree." Mercury was impressed with Rick's honesty and decided to reward him for it.
Mercury gave Rick the glorious axe. As Rick grabbed hold of the axe he began to change. His hair started to grow. His arms became full of muscles. His body stretched and he was now seven feet tall. Rick had become a lumberjack but not just a lumberjack - he was the largest of them all, and of course he now had a super sweet beard.
Because he was now the strongest, had the biggest axe and the best beard, Rick was told by the head lumberjack the he could take his place as leader of the lumberjacks if he wanted. This was a dream come true for Rick and he accepted the position but he made all the lumberjacks promise to never make fun of smaller people again. He told them that instead they needed to help weaker people just like the god Mercury had helped him. And the lumberjacks have been nice to people ever since that day.
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| Mercury and the Woodman:can be found in the Un-Textbook |
Author's Note: This story is originally about a woodman who lost his axe in the lake after a long day of work. In the story Mercury comes to the man and asks him if three different axes are his. The woodman tells him the truth and Mercury rewards him for it . I left out the part where other woodmen tried to lose their axes in hope that they too would receive a golden axe but they did not because they lied. I thought it would be fun to change up the story a little bit add some other woodmen (or lumberjacks in this case) to the story. I also thought it would be funny if he got to be king of the lumberjacks and got a nice beard. I tried to give a very detailed description of Rick in this story so that the readers could understand how different he was from the other lumberjack. I also tried to show the idea that just because you are good at something or someone is different does not mean that you can make fun of them. I thought it was important to show that even though Rick was now a lumberjack he still cared about other people. I picked the picture because it shows both the god Mercury and the lumberjack from the original story
I hope you enjoyed the story.
The original story can be found here in the Un-Textbook
Author: Unknown Editor: Unknown Illustrator:Milo Winter Year Published: 1919 Web Source:Un-Textbook
To be completely honest, my favorite part of this entire story was when you mentioned Rick had the best beard! Having a great beard is a big deal for men, especially lumber jacks! Overall I really enjoyed your story. It seemed to flow very naturally so I am assuming you a pretty creative person. I am looking forward to reading more of you stories this semester!
ReplyDeleteThis was a nice story. It brought back some great memories from childhood when I used to read this story along with others. His honesty fascinated me when I was young! I like how you made the story shorter but it had the same effect in respect to the lesson it provided. I liked how you changed the story a little and added some new things. Great job!!
ReplyDeleteFrom your writing style I can tell that you're a funny guy. I liked the way you let that aspect of your personality into your story. Your character, Rick, was an interesting guy to read about. Underdog characters are always appealing to me. The fact that he is also an honest underdog made him even more likable.
ReplyDeleteI would suggest that in future stories you break up your story into more paragraphs. It makes it easier for readers to read and the white space makes it more aesthetically pleasing. It would also be useful to separate dialogue from the main part of the text. It helps to highlight the importance of what's being said so it's not lost in the body paragraph. One other minor thing that you may try in the future is using a m-dash ( — ). It can be useful when making witty comments without breaking everything into separate sentences. There were also a few spelling mistakes throughout the story which took away from the quality of your story.
You're story had me smiling throughout and I look forward to reading more of your work in the future!
Hey Nick! I like how you describe rick in the story as being the exact opposite of the rest of the lumberjacks. Yet Rick still wanting to be a lumberjack and having no chance. One thing that could really help out with the story is putting a little more emotion. You could do this by having rick say something that is sad or anything that shows his emotions from the rejection of the rest of the lumberjacks. I feel like this could beef up your story making it better in the sense that the reading can relate and see the sadness rick has due to the rejection he receives. I also like how you kept rick honest at the end making him receive the reward from mercury. The ending of the story was really good because you made it to be were rick was on top and then he would not let anyone make fun of people the way they had made fun of him. Overall you story was great! Keep up the good work!
ReplyDeleteHey Nick,
ReplyDeleteI've read a few of your stories so I thought I would check out your portfolio. Great job! I like that you incorporated the beard! Before I became an anchor for OU Nightly, I had a pretty awesome beard myself. There are only minor changes I would make going into this week. I would break up and indent your paragraphs. It makes it easier when reading on the computer. I would also add some more dialogue. I tell people almost every week the more dialogue a writer has, the better the reader will connect with the stories and characters. Other than those tiny tweaks, you are doing an awesome job! Keep up the good work!
Hi, Nick. This was a very enjoyable story to read and it had a good lesson behind it. I liked how you gave quite a bit of detail about the way he looked before and after his change. This made it easier to see how important this change was for him. I really like the mention of the growth of the best beard along with his muscle and height. The beard aspect added a little bit of a comical properties to the story. You had a few typo errors in your story. Other than that I thought your story was broken up nice with a good amount of detail before the story started to put the reader in the character's position to create sympathy for the character. I also liked that you made the story to have a lesson to be learned at the end of it.
ReplyDeleteHey Nick!
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to start off by saying how cool your portfolio looks. It was very pleasing to the eye with the dark and starry background. I also really like how you have the forecast on the page, as well.
I started off reading your post from week 2 called ‘To Be A Lumberjack’. I saw only a few grammatical errors with commas but other than that, the story was wonderful! This story showed so much hope and I loved the moral of the story that it is always important to keep reaching for your dreams. Although I don’t think there is anything that will make you automatically grow muscles like that, this story still portrayed important lessons of always striving for your dream even if other people think you can’t do it. You can do anything you set your mind to. I also really liked how descriptive you were with Rick and the setting of the story. I was able to visualize the story the whole time. Great job!
Hi Nick!
ReplyDeleteI think this is my first time to your portfolio. I like the space/ galaxy background that your have! I would like to say first that you are one of the most entertaining writers I have read from this class. You really engage the reader. You add a sense of quirkiness that I love in a story! You use a little bit of third-person storytelling and some first-person narrative! I think the narrator is hilarious and a little sassy. I also liked all the dialogue that you used. It really added life to the story so I'm glad you did it. It looks like you have followed great grammar rules too! I would have liked to see some spaces in between each character speaking though. You have big blocks of text which is fine, but I enjoy more text broken up! And it would define speaker!
Overall, awesome job though! Keep it up!
Hey okay! It took a little for me to get into it, but I liked it.
ReplyDeleteMy first piece of advice would be to get to the point even quicker. Do not spend too much time explaining how puny this wannabe lumberjack is.
Secondly, maybe add one or two more complications before this puny guy is rewarded in the end. Maybe add that he gets beat up by the guys. that could be the first complication. Next, he tries to beat a stronger lumberjack in an arm wrestling contest? He fails then too. the Third complication can then be him failing in the end. If the story plays out this way, the jeopardy builds if that makes sense.
This story feels kind of humorous. "Everyone wants to be a lumberjack," you wrote. Play with that even more. Write about it like its real and you've lived it. I think a genuine take on the lumberjack being the movie star of today would be quite entertaining.
Good work man! Those are just suggestions. Don't have to do them!
Hi Nick, I really enjoyed reading this story. I like how you started your story with so much detail about the man. I think it really helped readers understand the troubles he had. I also like how you added your own personal voice into the story, as if you were telling the audience a story aloud. It was a really nice touch. I enjoyed reading it like that. I also like how in the end he becomes the strongest, best lumberjack. I think a lot of these stories are stories of overcoming adversities and he definitely came over his. I also liked how you added the lesson on bullying. Just because someone isn’t good at something doesn’t mean you can make fun of them. I really enjoyed reading your story and thought it was a great retell of the original. I also think the picture you added is perfect for this story.
ReplyDelete